inevitable deliberation on futility

My ache howls impermanently
with undine swirls of debatable sorrow
those crackle pop crocodile jaws
snap brittle cucumber rotten

(a forgotten name
a forgotten face
written in blue pen scrawl)

I can't conceal the lust that congeals
at the edges of my quick glance
my hasty and averted gaze
can't hide my baboon ass blushing face

Deciding should be easy
but I have no where to go
but an empty home

I wish it was raining
so I could walk alone
and watch the clouds
drifting across mighty mountains
as they dip and drip

or I could paint the color of go
reflected on the sidewalk
with an invisible brush
and thick gristle determination

I hate being alone
I can't stand to be crowded
staticians guess at satisfaction
but I know the nod driven yes of it is
the sky was bluer when I was a kid
and the dusk was less like blood

murders of crows caw cacaphony
while phoney hipsters on Vancouver streets
compose poetry about their blackbird grace
those excess feathers born of waste
and the ancient Greek in me
cries an augury of wars
simple as glowing iron Mars
looming red and large
in the fuzzy orange haze of city night

There are eagles at the Terrace dump
watching over heaps of bicycle parts
piled like summer days in the mind of a centarian
I want to eat garbage like the eagles
perfect and proud
but I'm not noble enough

I'd take to the streets
and sit and talk philosophy
but most people are too busy to listen
they don't have two three five or ten minutes
time is money
money is metal, paper and digits
to measure the production of widgets

and

I don't care anymore
I don't want anything anymore
except a warm touch
and someone to ruffle my hair